The moment I gave birth I was unknowingly initiated into what I not so lovingly refer to as "the cult of mommyhood". Part of the rite of passage in this postpartum society is to enter a parallel universe, a highly social and competitive world where moms and babies spend their days hustling around to a wide array of classes, appointments and playgroups. Where success is measured by months and perecentages. As a new mom I’ve somehow found myself bonding with perfect strangers over things like sore nipples and poopy diapers. I’ve heard the dramatic tales of labor & delivery and have talked at nausea about which infant gas remedy work best.
In the past 10+ months since my little one was born I have made what I consider "mommy friends." New and old moms - you know what I mean, those women friends that you have absolutely nothing in common with other than the fact that we have all become charter members of the lactating sorority of out-of-shape, exhausted women, all simply looking for sisterly support as we struggle to survive the trials and tribulations that come with motherhood. So lately I've been making a desperate attempt to regain more of my former self and get out of the "isn't my baby the cutest" club... I am however the founder, president and CEO because my kid is the cutest...at least in my eyes... I know that I'm no better than any other doting mother in that regard, but I would like to try to regain some focus on who I am outside of being Abbey's mom.
So why do I feel guilty when my energies turn to something that is about me, like my career? Though I tend to be a little harder on myself than most I still worry when I focus on myself that I might fall short on some important parenting responsibility. As a self-proclaimed bad mom I do find myself happy to confess my sins because I'm fairly confident that those who come closest, and with the most sanctimony, to emulating the self-effacing, self-sacrificing, soft-spoken, cheerful, infinitely patient Good Mother are the real Bad Mothers...whose kids are fated to be uptight prigs. And I have to admit that the anti-sanctimony isn't really all that cathartic. Just beneath the surface lurks the same old insecurity: As happy as I am to crown myself Queen of the Maternal Damned, part of me still believes that my kid would be better off with June Cleaver.
So why do I feel guilty when my energies turn to something that is about me, like my career? Though I tend to be a little harder on myself than most I still worry when I focus on myself that I might fall short on some important parenting responsibility. As a self-proclaimed bad mom I do find myself happy to confess my sins because I'm fairly confident that those who come closest, and with the most sanctimony, to emulating the self-effacing, self-sacrificing, soft-spoken, cheerful, infinitely patient Good Mother are the real Bad Mothers...whose kids are fated to be uptight prigs. And I have to admit that the anti-sanctimony isn't really all that cathartic. Just beneath the surface lurks the same old insecurity: As happy as I am to crown myself Queen of the Maternal Damned, part of me still believes that my kid would be better off with June Cleaver.
In an attempt to combat those feelings I just bought Wendy Sachs, "How She Really Does It: Secrets of Successful Stay-At-Work Moms... As I continue to make my way through motherhood I am hoping that Wendy will have some pearls of wisdom for me. I'm looking forward to starting a new career but I worry that my desire of having a fulfilling and successful career will somehow need to take a backseat to my desires to be the best mom possible...and I'm selfish enough that I'm bothered by these thoughts.
So what do you think? Modern day working Mom or June Cleaver - who's the winner? Or should I say, whose kid doesn't end up on Dr. Oz... Deep down I know I'm exactly the mom that Abbey needs in this life but why is it that in this modern century we woman still struggle to find the balance between fulfilling career and success in motherhood? What does it take to have both? Do we really have to sacrifice anything? Why do we feel like we're being greedy because we want a successful career and a happy, healthy kid?
Ultimately I think that whatever I may lack in the "stay at home, dinner on the table, freshly pressed sheets" areas I make up for in the everyday love of my family and what contributing to life outside the house allows me to bring back into it. So here's to bringing home something...a new job!!
Holy S^*t I have a new job!!
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