How do you not love your own kid?

I was recently reading this article written by a mom who, despite her best efforts, didn't like her kid. Every new mother's worst nightmare, right? Okay, maybe it was just mine but either way, as I read this mother's confessions of inadequacy I wondered what would have happened if my little girl hadn't turned out to be the healthy, vivacious, spunky, and whip-smart, socially savvy and self-assured child I had always wanted? (I know Abbey's only 9 months old but I can tell already she's going to be all of this and more!)

During my pregnancy I worried constantly that I wouldn't like this little life that I had worked so hard to create.  I couldn't blame a wild night of abandon for knocking me up, we spent a lot of money to get this way. But I had never liked kids, never liked baby-sitting, was never one to want to hold someone else's bundle of joy.  Kids just never appealed to me that way. I loved my dog, I loved my husband...what if I didn't like this little person growing inside me? All of these feelings were for not because the moment she was laid upon my chest and I looked into my husbands eyes, then back down to her, I just knew. In a single moment I had received everything in this life I was meant to have, life was complete.

Even before becoming a parent I wondered how people could bring a child into this world and not love them. Although I had not "loved" children, they weren't mine to love, which was why I wanted a child of my own. I could see it in the eyes of the great parents I know, that unconditional love, that look like they're staring into the sun - forever blinded by the light.. I wanted to know that love for another person.

But what would I have done had she started screaming when they placed her on my chest, and never stopped for months on end? What if she never wanted me to hold her or if she never looked me in the eyes? I can't imagine the heartbreak, so as I read this woman's admissions of failure I wondered - would I have done any better? It took years for doctor's to figure out that the little girl had a hormone deficiency that was not only stunting her physically but emotionally and mentally. Once they began treatment the little girl, now 9, began to improve and the relationship between her and her mother slowly did as well. I guess unless you're put in the situation no one can't honestly know...we never know what we're capable of until we're tested right?

Neither of my birth parents possessed that unconditional love for me, and I was a healthy, happy baby, which may be the reason for this not so happy detour from my normal witty banter on this blog. The article just really hit a nerve with me. No one start crying or dialing a therapist for me for goodness sake I'm fine - I was very much loved by my step-father and my grandparents who always saw the best in me, wanted the best for me and would have done anything for me. I think that the love I received has made me the person I am today...okay, that probably doesn't sound right either...

I love my daughter more than life itself, I do so knowing what that kind of love would have meant to me had my mother been capable. I know that showing her love, showing her how much I love her father, and that I love myself is the best gift I can give her in this life. She's shown me how to love in a way that I had always dreamed about. She is so easy to love that I can't imagine not loving her...I think she gets that from her Daddy, he's so easy to love too!

I'd like to think that mine and Michael's love of our daughter will help her grow to be all those things I mentioned (and more)...check back in 20 years and I'll let you know if that's the case!

So here's to my little love bug...How could anyone not love this kid? Here's little Miss laughing her diaper off at Daddy.